Hello, big-budget filmmakers! As summer approaches, I am sure that you are all ready for another opportunity to destroy great swaths of our culture and civilization — on film, of course. And I’m not here to stop you, but instead to inspire you! Let me humbly suggest that you pick Godzilla for your latest 90 Minutes Wanton Destruction. You see, making a Godzilla movie isn’t all that difficult. There are only a few clear-cut elements that you need to utilize in order to create another movie starring humanity’s favorite fictional killing machine.
Part I. Intro
The film’s introduction is one of the most important elements (besides Godzilla, of course), as well as one of the most inflexible. It must be a montage of Pacific Island nuclear bomb tests. This will serve as both an origin story as well as a throwback to the original anti-nuclear genesis of Godzilla. And no, having an explicitly anti-nuclear viewpoint isn’t necessary anymore because this intro, no matter how ambiguous, will cover that for you. (Nowadays, nuclear weapons and nuclear energy aren’t prescient enough topics to warrant possibly alienating your audience over, so just sweep those topics under the rug for the remainder of the film.)
Side note: In a just world, the Pacific island nations that endured these nuclear tests would get royalties every time a film includes footage of some foreign force obliterating their island paradise. Unless they have forgotten about it.