About Castle in the Pie

Dreamt up in the Year of our Pie 2011 by four academically minded vagabonds, Castle in the Pie is dedicated to dissecting movies, music, culture, and even reality with a fine-toothed spork. Developed with a mind for pie and silliness, our group settled on a pig as our mascot for thematic reasons — pigs love pie, or so I’m told. We strive to frame our worldview on this site with silliness and hyperbole, cynicism and dedication, pastries and swine.

Alex Langford
Executive (Decision) Editor & Graphic Designer

Past founder of So You Think You Can Ent?, a LiveJournal about his attempt and failure to become a tree doctor. Future founder of I Brake For Squirrels (.org), a squirrel and small rodent advocacy website / advice blog.

Website: http://www.alexrlangford.com
Contact: alex -at- castleinthepie.com

Chelsea Upton
Film Editor & Topography Consultant

I’m a frequent victim of road rage.

Born in The Shire to a family of Hobbits, Chelsea felt ostracized due to her average height and hairless feet. In an effort to find more people like her, she illegally immigrated to the United States, quietly settling in a small shack in Dallas. Currently working in the lucrative field of fountain pen repair, she has made a name for herself as the fourth-best fountain pen repairer in the North Dallas area.

Jeff Partyka
Unfair and Imbalanced Ombudsman

Jeff Partyka/Coin Pliskin, as described by Wikipedia 2014 (a.k.a. once Castle in the Pie achieves fame), is:

an American extreme botanist, part-time underwater balloonist, completely hopeless computer geek, frequently soapless pop culture paladin, (because stacks of Blu-ray cases and septic hygiene often go hand in hand) hopeful future recipient of the Captain Picard Baldness Preservation Society Golden Cranium Award, fearsome B-movie pirate (pictured to left), self-appointed Cacao Pizza celebrity chef (not pictured to right…or top……or bottom……or anywhere…….shut up and keep reading) based in the Shallow Ellum Neighborhood of Dallas, Texas, sole multi-million dollar financier of the Phil Collins Beanie Baby “Despo, the Don’t Lose My Number Bear”, prolific and insufferable [1][2][3][4][5][6][7]….[8]…..[9]………..geez, fine![10-71] blogger for the wonderful [72-144], amazing [145-198], endlessly creative [199-337] arts [338-429] and culture [430-529] blog [530-669] Castle in the Pie [530-669] (Hell Yeah! [670-869]), and television personality [-1].

As described by Castle in the Pie and its esteemed geniuses/bloggers, Jeff Partyka is:

kinda hip…at times……He brings chips too!…and other times he tells a funny joke….or one that might pass as funny…to some people…..if they’re heavily intoxicated……so yeah, he can write some posts for us.

Leyla Aksu
Remote Editor & Drawing Expert

I ease tensions and like to delete my work.

5 ft of height + 500cc’s of tea + 20 lbs of colour + a sprinkle of sarcasm. Mix and chill over two continents before baking in a moderately warm climate wrapped in sheet music for four years whilst reading aloud your favorite existentialist novel. Ice with toothpaste and serve with a cynical smile.


Jason Anderson
Assistant Debutante to the Queen and Pro Mini Golf Stylist

“Jason Anderson is the best mixture of one of those arm flailing tube men that you see at a car dealership, and a common house cat. Cruel and inviting all at the same time.”
― Laurence Fishburne

It is a constitutional fact that J.K. Rowling thought of Jason Anderson when writing the parts of Hermione Granger and Hagrid. His wit has the ability to make people laugh in that very uncomfortable way, where they really just want to sink into their chairs like a pile of melted silly putty. His manly voice has a tendency of making people feel like they are talking to Gandalf the Grey wearing red pants and a shirt that says something about loving chubby men. This is a sensation that can also be felt when reading his movie/music reviews, which is why he is somewhat of an underground celebrity like Banksy or keyboard cat. Since having mentioned cats twice, it should be no surprise that Jason has a strange obsession with cats or small rodents (especially when they are dressed up to look like people). Many have said that this is his only weakness, and he frequently loses fencing matches to people who exploit this weaknesses. Until doctors can find a humane way to keep Jason away from the masses, he will be writing movie/music reviews that make you jiggle with mirth.