Oh man! The Avengers! I’ve been waiting for this movie for just about forever (and by forever, I mean I was willing to go see it). So much stuff! So much! I’m going to try and relay the awesome to you guys. There’s a giant snake/turtle/fish/dinosaur things that can fly, portals to other planets, airplane carriers THAT ALSO FLY, action, AMERICA, more action, MORE AMERICA, and Gweneth Paltrow in daisy dukes.
So, this movie begins with the bad guy, Loki, making the same face that I make in pictures. This face means he’s about to do evil stuff. Naturally, this face is used throughout the entire movie. Also, he’s basically indestructible, carries a magic wand of blue explosions, and has perfect hair. The world seems pretty screwed, but luckily it’s not because of… America. Oh wait, I mean… The Avengers.
Of course, this means they send in Captain America (played by Chris Evans) with his awesome American cliches, perfect hair, and shield that deflects everything. He wears pajamas pretty much the entire movie and refuses to sign people’s Captain America Trading Cards (douche). There’s also The Hulk. Surprisingly, they have found a match for the Hulk in Hollywood every-man Mark Rufallo. He turns green and smashes stuff, as usual, but with more emotional depth! Scarlett Johansson plays the beautiful, quick, and brilliant Black Widow. All she has to use against this huge alien invasion is a tight suit, pistols, and her awesome fighting abilities. Turns out, those things don’t get you a bigger part in a movie. Chris Hemsworth, with his beautiful eyes and swoon-worthy grumbly voice, plays Thor with a hammer that weighs a lot and a strange British/Irish/Scandanavian accent. Robert Downey Jr. plays Robert Downey Jr. in a metal suit (GOOD THING). Samuel L. Jackson plays Nick Fury, who is funny and basically a toned down version of Samuel L. Jackson. He also has an eye patch (eye patch = pirate or cool guy). Also, Jeremy Renner plays a smaller part than Scarlett Johansson.